1. Cotton Candy as a complementary dessert at restaurants 2. The Last Waltz 3. Feeling badass 4. Lazy, nowhere-to-go city bike rides 5. The ability to legally drink alcohol while driving 6. Dutch Blitz 7. Hugging strangers at sporting events 8. Distorted guitars 9. Noticeable weight loss 10. Catharsis
1. Being Tired 2. Cauliflower 3. Talking about cars 4. Malls 5. The term “hipster” when used as an insult by another hipster 6. Having to puke, but not wanting to puke 7. Balding 8. Ben Stiller 9. Getting a root canal and in the middle of it realizing that the freezing didn’t take 10. When someone tries opening the door while you’re already in the bathroom
- 10:00 am, Tuesday. Sitting at my desk typing. Stopping. Getting up, walking towards the door. Turn towards rest of the office and let out a subtle, yet dramatic, sigh. Leave. Never return.
- Calling myself into my own imaginary office. Firing self.
- Steal everyone's lunch and throw them all in the garbage. When people begin to complain, tell them, "Well, if you don't like it, maybe I should just leave and never come back."
- Run up to most annoying coworker. Kick her in the shin.
- Start screaming "That's it! You people are all so stupid and I'm losing respect for myself by being in your presence. I mean, you're all hicks!" Smile, laugh. Give everyone sports related key chains to remember me by.
- Show up to work in nothing but tighty whities. When others bring it up, tell them that since they're all a part of my daily nightmare, I might as incorporate my other nightmares into their lives as well.
- Drunk call company CEO, make frequent references to Enron.
- Take a pee in the lunch room.
- Begin hitting on supervisor by removing my pants and helping her on her golf swing.
